It’s Columbus Day, and that means that many of us are enjoying a day off from work. This fact alone makes Columbus Day a very popular holiday in America. But what do we really know about the Christopher Columbus? Let’s take a journey into the real history, and hopefully by the end you’ll see just how accurate the title of this piece is.
The Myth
Let’s start with what we were all taught in elementary school. If you’re like me, you were taught in history class that Christopher Columbus was an Italian explorer who, in the year 1492, embarked on a journey to the New World and ended up ultimately discovering what is now affectionately known as the United States of America.
Most history lessons about Columbus tend to end around here, because what followed his discovery of the American continent would best be described as a genocide, and that’s hard to present to children. Bit dark. But we’re not children, so let’s dive into the grim realities behind the cheerful facade.
Discovering America
Before delving into the darker aspects of this tale, let’s first get one thing straight. Our boy Chris didn’t discover America. That had already been done some 500 years earlier by Leif Eriksson, a Viking explorer. His last name means “son of Erik” by the way, as his dad was Erik the Red who had quite the interesting history himself. But I digress.
The point is that the European countries were well aware of the existence of the so-called “New World” way before Chris got it into his head to set sail.
Oh, and speaking of Chris’ voyage, he wasn’t actually trying to find a new land or anything like that. He was actually trying to sail to India the long way around. If that sounds stupid to you, you’re not alone. No one thought it was possible to sail to India that way (you know, on account of the gigantic landmass in the way). In fact, King Ferdinand II & Queen Isabella of Spain were his last resort to obtain funding for his dumb voyage, as every other investor was like “dude, no. Go away.” And even they just kinda did it to get Chris to leave them alone.
So Chris made it to America (though he was convinced for a while that it was India. Presumably at one point someone pulled him aside and went “Bro you have to cool it, this isn’t India man” while showing him a globe), made some cool Native American friends, and everything was cool forever. Right? ….Right?
Father of the Slave Trade
Yea, not so much. Probably the biggest thing about old Chris that isn’t mentioned in your history books is that the man was quite literally the father of the slave trade. From his own writings:
“They do not bear arms, and do not know them, for I showed them a sword, they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of ignorance. They have no iron. Their spears are made of cane. They would make fine servants. With fifty men we could subjugate them all and make them do whatever we want.”
Columbus’ personal journal, upon encountering the native Arawaks.
Indeed, Chris didn’t waste any time in getting his subjugation on. Upon landing, he immediately took several of the Arawaks captive with the intent to extract information about the area in order to find and steal as much gold as possible.
This habit of his continued over several years, and as you’d expect became more and more brutal. In one raid in 1495, his crew captured 1,500 Native Arawaks and shipped them back to Spain. 200 of them died en route. Far from being appalled at his own inhumane actions, Chris would later write: “Let us in the name of the Holy Trinity go on sending all the slaves that may be sold”.
Charming.
Unspeakable Cruelty
As is the way of these things, Chris’ brutality only escalated. See, Chris was desperate to find gold. As much gold as possible. In one instance, he became convinced that there was a veritable hoard of the stuff in the hills of Haiti. He thus decreed that all Natives above the age of 14 were required to bring him a certain amount of gold per month as a sort of fucked up tithing system. Any Natives who failed to meet his arbitrary quota had their hands cut off.
It gets worse, somehow. In their quest to ensure they would be the biggest assholes of the time period, Chris & his men would often test their swords’ sharpness by cutting slices off of the Natives for no reason. Others would be hunted and killed for sport. Sometimes, if they were feeling charitable, they would just ride on the backs of the stronger ones like horses. One time, a couple of the explorers met two Native boys who had parrots. They liked the parrots, apparently, for they took them and then, just because they could, beheaded the children.
The Arawaks did fight back, as best they could. However they were no match for the Spanish, who had armor, weapons, and a general disregard for human life. Eventually, tragically, they resorted to committing mass suicide to avoid a life of brutal slavery, even going so far as to poison their own infants to save them from the Spaniards.
All in all, Christopher Columbus and the men under his command murdered 3,000,000 people, and by the year 1650, had completely exterminated the Arawaks from Haiti.
Should Christopher Columbus Be Honored with a Holiday?
I’m sure you’d agree at this point that the answer to this question is absolutely not. While he should be remembered, the myth of Christopher Columbus needs to die. We should not be honoring a mass murderer, slaver, & generally horrible person every year. He should be remembered for what he was: a cruel man with a callous disregard for the lives of those he deemed inferior to his own.
“bUt wHaT aBoUt My dAy oFf?”
Remember Leif Eriksson from earlier? I think he is far more deserving of a national holiday than Christopher Columbus. While it’s true there is already technically a “Leif Eriksson Day” (October 9th), it is not a federally recognized holiday like Columbus Day is. Therefore, I suggest that we get rid of Columbus Day and instead make Leif Eriksson Day a federal holiday in its place. It’s even in the same month! Everyone will be happy. We get to keep our day off from our soul-crushing jobs, and we also won’t be honoring a man who really should have been tried for crimes against humanity. Win-Win!
So that’s it from me for this post. I hope you’ve enjoyed expanding your knowledge of history. If you’re interested in checking out more of my work, feel free to check out my most recent article about Medicare For All, where I try to clear up the many misunderstandings around this excellent policy.
Oh, and be sure to check out my friend Shawn Ketcham & I talking about the upcoming Democratic Debate. It’s good stuff, you won’t want to miss it!
Until next time, friends. Remember: history is only white-washed if you allow it to be.